How to torture your project manager
If you like your project manager, this is a list of things not to do. But if they really deserve it, here are proven ways to drive them mad.
- Never give specific odds or probabilities. Always make ambiguous commitments like “Probably”, “we may be able to do that” or “it’s possible”.
- Demand everything ASAP, instead of by an actual deadline.
- Agree to a decision. Then the next time its mentioned, pretended you have no idea what they are talking about.
- Take surprise week long vacations.
- Do not disagree directly. Wait until you are both in the presence of their boss, or bosses boss, and intensely disagree then.
- Blame them for everything, but never give them any power.
- Accept meeting requests immediately, but don’t ever show up.
- Avoid short phone conversations in favor of obfuscated 20 email long multi-person threads.
- Once a week, try to do one of: double the scope, slash the schedule in half, discover a new stakeholder.
- Break into their schedule spreadsheet at night, and replace all the estimates with random numbers.